Palpatine's Marketing

This is why I thought that it would be alright for me to start my toaster line - even Palpatine is getting into the marketing thing. He not only has his complete guide to facial care, but he has his own line of health care products - move over Mary Kay!

Tired of looking like you are only 35, when you are actually 40? Well, with Palpatine's skin regiment, not only will your skin look years older, but you will gain serious freaky points towards your evil aura.

Don't kids want to look older? Trust me, the Emperor never gets carded, though I suppose he could use a Sith mind trick if he did. "You already saw my identification, you want to buy me a slurpee." I know I've had a few free slurpees in my day - but I digress. Skin care. Forget free radicals, think midichlorians!

Honest - this stuff works, I tried it on a baby a few years ago - and BAM! - Dick Cheney!

Speaking of Dick Cheney, some people have wondered why I keep mentioning him. Well, it's no wonder to those who have actually met him - he and the emperor are one in the same!

There used to be some speculation that he was actually my father. I just have to say "That's not true! That's impossible!" Besides, we all know that I was born from a virgin, who conceived via midichlorians - those horny little microscopic organisms. Though, he does look good in my armor, shame it took me weeks to get the smell out.

By the way, I'm tired of everyone complaining saying that I'm not the first one to be immaculately conceived and start a religion! I know, I know - but I don't think that you can really compare me to Jesus - I mean, I don't have a Mexican accent. Stop groaning - it was a joke, I know you mean the Jewish carpenter, not my gardener.

Have an evil day - and let the bed bugs bite - haha, I just wanted to see if you'd do it. I'll be looking for little red welts on Sunday.

Darth Rev