Q & A

That's right, Rev D has a Q and A portion to the blog now. Since each and every one of you have sent in dozens and dozens of questions on a daily basis, I thought that I would attempt to answer some of them here. Not all have to do with the First Imperialist, but that is fine, I will field ANY question that is clean. Feel free to e-mail any questions you have, or post the question in the comments, and I will get to them. Just remember that I have hundreds, thousands of questions coming in every day, so I may not get to yours immediately. Just kidding, I haven't even gotten any questions, and I'll probably just make them all up :)

Question 1 is from a Daniel Barker in MN. He writes: "I love the shine on your dome, how to you get it so glossy?"

Answer: Thank you for noticing, I actually take great pride in my shiny helmet. I use turtle wax and a random-orbit buffer in my garage/space port.


Question 2 is from Anonymous in RI. "Have you ever had a pet? Do you have one now?"

Answer: Yes, yes I have. Oh, you probably want more than that. Well, it was a dog after my own heart. No, I do not have one now, I lost him when the first Death Star blew up. His name was Dog'th Vader. He loved gnawing on storm trooper armor and eating Purina Ewok Bits. I miss him, but I wonder if I'd be more of a cat person now.


Question 3 is from Debbie in ND. "Do you ever get tired of sharing power with the Emperor?"

Answer: Bad question. Did you know that he is one of my readers? So "NO," definitely not. Besides, he lets me blow junk up all the time. It's really a good job - strike fear into the hearts of others, hunt jedi (practice my fencing), and blow stuff up - it really is a great job for a guy like me (evil, who likes fencing and blowing stuff up).


Question 4 is from Gordon in UT. He writes; "I understand that you have a hard time getting along with Wookies, has there ever been a Sith Wookie?"

Answer: Yes, but he wasn't that good of a Sith. He was really into the "Save the planet" stuff. This was several hundred years ago, and some of the details might be a little distorted over time. Thank goodness - er, um, badness for those Holocrons. Anyway, he was named Darth Syyrvek. He apparently was difficult to understand, because "Plant the bomb from my ship" and "Plant a bomb on my ship" apparently sound VERY similar in Shyriiwook (the Wookie's language). After that little linguistic miscommunication, his apprentice became a master, and inherited all of Syyrvek's possessions.


May the Force be with you - the evil side of it, of course.

Darth Rev.

Parishioner Hygiene

Greetings my little flock of evil-doers. I need to mention something that was brought to my attention after church yesterday. Some of my followers are missing a very important step to being, well, like me. I was preaching from the pulpit, when I was almost overcome by a terrible odor. At first I thought that the rebels were gassing the church again, then I thought that my mask-filter had malfunctioned or had been tampered with by an apprentice who was trying to kill me, but then I realized that it was just a really stinky guy in the front row. OMG (Oh My Gundark!) - you know how many layers of plastic and filters that stench had to go through to actually get to (what is left of) my nose? My hepa+ filter is rated for nuclear fallout! This is evidenced by me hardly ever getting sick - even bacteria has a difficult time getting to me - but this guy - awg. The emperor may look stinky, but at least he cleans the folds of dieing flesh melting off his face - but this guy - dang. Ok, he was wearing a helmet and armor similar to mine, so this might have affected me a little more than usual - a stinky wanna-be.

So, for all those who want to be closer to the dark side - remember not to scare the dark side away with poor hygiene! Here are a few practical tips to improve the air quality at church:

• Clean beneath the mask at least once a week, whether you think you need it or not (trust me, you need it).
• Sterilize the armor, clean off any blood or food particles - you have to look your best
• Under-Armor deodorant is important to keep you fresh.
• Make a giant mechanical egg where you can sit without your life support, so you can have your armor cleaned. * this only applies to those with daily life support in your suits - if not, then you can fore go the construction of the egg.
• Remember, if you have flesh, you have to keep it clean. You never want a minion to bow before you and be distracted by a wiff of something that smells like a gym locker and week-old garbage. You don't want him thinking about that smell instead of listening to your orders.
• Get all the nooks and crannies - you are not a gooey pastry, but you will be gooey if you don't clean everywhere.
  
• It may look like I never change my armor, but actually, I have dozens of the same suit. I just reallly like black, though I do have a pinstripe one - but it just doesn't look right, so I don't wear it that often. So, multiple sets of armor is a must.

Please remember, just because you're evil, doesn't mean you can't take some pride in your appearance (or smell). Remember, the Emperor didn't start that dreadful day out thinking "I'm going to horribly disfigure myself today," but he uses it to his advantage (especially to scare trick-or-treaters. Can you imagine him removing his monster mask and having an even scarier face? When he does it and says "BOO!" I swear some of those kids have to change their armor).

Darth Rev




* It has been requested that I post a picture of myself in the Pinstripe Armor (Yes, it is more of a blue, than my usual black) :

The Softer Side of Evil

The title to this post might confuse you, but recently I have been nominated for the Imperial Father of the Year. Upon nomination, we had develop a video to explain why I should be nominated. We appreciate Videojug for developing such an awesome video.

Some quick pointers not mentioned in the video:

• Know who your young teenager is hanging out with. Be wary of wookies or alliance that might want them to commit criminal acts against our rightful government.
• Although your children might have to sow some oats, remember that after they fall asleep, you can cut down the oats and prepare them for breakfast the next day.
• Always let your children join strange cults - they will learn great values there - values we don't have to teach them, AND... if they don't drink the poisoned lemonade - they are independent thinkers, if they do drink it, they were following their beliefs. It's a win-win, and you can be proud of them either way.
• Sowing oats might include dabbling in Jedi rather than Sith beliefs. This Must be squashed - Jedi beliefs are not just some cult that you WANT them to join, but something that is against our most sacred, evil beliefs in this church. If they won't turn, you may be forced to destroy them one day. They will join us, or die.

looking back at these, hmmm, they might have been cut for a reason. Ok, just follow the video:

Really should put hyper-drives on Tie-Fighters

I apologize to my loyal readers for being gone so long, unfortunately one of my jobs (overseeing the building of a Death Star) ended abruptly, and I've had a tough time lately. I have been riding around in my personal Tie Fighter for a couple of weeks after the explosion, trying to find a signal. Han sucks - I hope his hot rod death trap has a problem with it's navi-computer and he flys right into an asteroid (or that his hyperdrive will go out next to one of my Star Destroyers).

Apparently, I'm getting to be some sort of celebrity, because as soon as I get back - there's a You-Tube video of my escapades, which I'm embedding here for you.

Darth Rev.