For Hire

Due to these difficult economic times, I have decided to post some of the current openings in "the organization." If you are wondering what organization I am talking about - maybe you should think about looking at another blog. Anyways, I want to make sure that my parishioners have first crack an any Empirical jobs available.

Help Wanted: Entry level position. Must be able to fit well into blast armor. Benefits include 401 K, Hazard pay, the ability to kick Ewoks repeatedly without being reprimanded. Qualified applicants will be able to hold a blaster straight, unless a good guy is in front of them, and must be able to distinguish themselves and their coworkers from thousands of identically suited personnel. Apply in person at your local imperial recruiting office, just go through the doors that says "Stormtroopers, and Officer Test Flunkies"

Help Wanted: New Admiral in a prosperous fleet. Last Admiral had a disturbing lack of faith. Must have good references and a BS in fleet operations. Experience is a plus, as is blind, total devotion to Lord Vader. Must have good lung capacity and a high pain threshold. Multiple openings, excellent opportunity to advance. Preference given to those already within the Empire. For more information, report to the command center on the Death Star.

Help Wanted: Death Star Mechanic. Must have experience and education in building gigantic lazers or moon-sized bases. Consideration will be given to those who have built big round things, if they also have additional engineering experience and education. Motivated environment, we have recently redoubled our efforts, and are looking for someone who can keep up with a strict schedule. Check out our website for contact information.

Help Wanted: Do you have what it takes to take your destiny into your own hands? Are you tired of others pushing you around? Old decrepit Sith seeking a new apprentice, who will help him overthrow his current apprentice. Benefits include: being allowed to live, entry into a cut-throat industry with eventual promotion opportunity to master after defeating me. Other perks may include your own fleet, star destroyers, and nifty black outfits made out of plastic, with a built-in calculator in the chest. Don't bother contacting me, I already know who you are - just come, before I do something nasty to you in your sleep, mwahahaha.

Well, I'm not sure where that last one came from, but the others look like good opportunities for my little evil flock to make a living. If you have any additional openings in your local area that would be appropriate, feel free to e-mail them to me and I might post them up as well. Until later, bad dreams, and may all your leftover tuna fish turn evil and raise an uprising against you, which you get to crush beneath the heel of your heavy, black boot. .... What do you think? I was trying to come up with something other than "May the force be with you." Yeah, I didn't really like it either, I'll keep working on it. May the.... oh never mind.

Rev Darth